NINE

3/9

1) you're too serious
2) you're clingy
3) you run away from facts.
4)
5)
6)
7)
8)
9)

ThoughtDuJour

sometimes i still need you.
rarely but it still happens.

and when it does it ruins my day.
thanks, corporate.

ThoughtDuJour

&It's... not like we're enemies, but for sure we're now strangers.

-- Saba Jamal

ThoughtDuJour

two days ago in the lines between the ink of a newspaper:

She's done worse. She's gone far and beyond where she was supposed to stay. And eve tho she's had a taste of extreme she doesn't want that from you. Cause you're different.

She'd feel evil, corrupting someone so good by asking something so bad. She can't even fathom the thought. It just doesn't occur to her. Except for very late at night. And even then it seems so incredibly inhumane that the though quickly integrates into sweeter things.

More innocent things. A smile in the hall, a conversation. If she wants to indulge her self she imagines walking towards him and getting a hug. The most daring thought would be a peck on the cheek, and a smile so close she could look straight into his eyes and see all his emotions play out.

She doesn't allow other fantasies to screen and shutter behind her eyes because suddenly all that seems so wrong and crude. She only wants the most innocent things from him. Only the Sweetest.

ThoughtDuJour

eight days ago on a spare napkin:

you know that little bit of hope for something incredibly unlikely to happen? I've never had that happen before. I always thought i twas useless and stupid and I felt superior to those sad people who depended on it to be able to sleep a night.
And now I'm one of them.
It's pathetic.

Musing

I’m happy. Life is good. Finally over Ajaxx. Colgate likes me. And for once I’m content being single on Vday because I’m not yearning for anyone.

Colgate: Fit. Built. Nice smile. Gorgeous lips. Brown eyes. Black fauxhawk. Brown kid. Dresses fit. Like super fit. Except for his hobo hat. Older. Kind. Virtuous. Really effing virtuious. Incredible self control. Fit. Smart. Fit.


There’s that little issue of how he doesn’t date because he doesn’t want to disappoint his parents and Allah. Untouchable. Also that he only recently reformed (around last year) and used to date a really great girl, who’s still heart broken. Off limits.


Here’s a first – my mates actually think he’s attractive. Unlike what they think of the rest of my exs. Hoorahh !


Even past all that, I like talking to him and making him smile and joking around. Yeah, we won’t go out. But his company is enough to make me happy.

He called me beautiful.
Life is good.

ThoughtDuJour

When you're face down at the very bottom of who you are, and there is no formality or pretense to cling to, all your masks fall off. In this broken place, our lives can be seen for what they are, no more no less; we are ourselves.

WhileWeWait

It feels right
It feels wrong
It feels like when you have it, then it's gone
I want more
More and more
And if you steal the fire
Give me some
Cause the sun
Disobeys while it waits for a friend to arrive from the past
What holds us around, and around
While we wait

-- Jack Johnson

IWantToGet

High.
midnight skies and pencil hearts

freeway traffic lifting skirts
High.

+/-

kiss away the scratches
he's the coldest sun out there
she's the warmest winter
kiss away the scratches
our stares are lies are stares are lies
i cant stop thinking of us
kiss away the scratches
but don't come back
leave your own
but don't come back
so that he can kiss away yours
and leave his own
kiss away the scratches babe
but don't come back

IWantToHateYou

half as much as I hate myself
--- you know that I could crush you with my voice

IWantToDoSomethingTerriblyDangerous

By the end of the bout
He was punched out
Fists capsized, muscles shouting
Deeper down, he felt the insult of a kiss

-- Wilco