Virginity, Morals, Infidelity, Choice.

no one wins the war... except maybe the other women. or the other man.
(Would you be angry if I did the same as you with him as you do the same as me with her?)


Men aren't the only ones capable of having two fires burning at once.
(he's a handsome bloke, but he's no you.)



Though religious manipulators and society fakes deem that men are more susceptible, it's the individual that counts, not the sex.
(It's not the testosterone. It's you.)


.......................................................................

The individual has many options, involving timing, age, personssssss. But chooses to pick one instead of two.. or three.

You like threes, don't you love.

SleepDeprivation

is dangerous.

when she's sleepy, she's light headed.
when she's light headed, she's brave.
&& when she's brave.
she.
is.
reckless.

-- 12/27/09
I'm so so sorry love.
I never meant to hurt you.

ThoughtDuJour

-- Life gets progressively easier the more sleep deprived you are. Not sleeping numbs the problem that has kept you from sleeping in the first place.

Now my goal is to not fall over.

SongOfTheMonth

we were born to be alone | everybody all alone | born alone to be alone | we'll stand alone forever




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmvOQNBkCxA

Hospital

hospitals aren't too bad -- once you get used to them. My hundredth visit? Every month since i was six? so that's 9 x 12 .. 108th visit. not a bad guess.

The worst part is the stench. You smell the sanitizer most, burning on its way up your nose, scratching at the inside of your throat. Breathing through your mouth isn't much help either --it coats your tongue until you're lapping water like a wild dog trying to get rid of the taste, trying to get rid of the rabies- incurable, for the time being.

The smell of bodies comes next. Open bodies. Rotting bodies. Live bodies. Dead bodies. Bodies, in all shapes, sizes, conditions. That smell's like a straight jacket, rubbing into your clothes, your hair. Like nail polish that wont come out. It makes my eyes water, either from the sentiment that people are dying, or maybe it's the fumes.

Walk in, say hello, change; I hate the paper gowns we're made to wear. No patient enjoys them, slit open from the back so that your behind feels the breeze. I hate when it crinkles as you sit, or how when you finally lye down on the table, wrinkles are left behind. Reminders, how your gown used to be perfect, and now it isn't. How your body used to be new, and now it isn't. wear and tear, eventually the gown tears. Eventually your body tears. It's only a matter of time.

lay back, relax, you'll wake up in a few hours and it'll be as if nothing's changed-- liar. Science v.s. Nature, nature's bound to win sometime. Why bother wasting all this money when I'm going to die anyway. Everyone dies. You can't beat death. Every day I'm cheating, living an extra day when naturally I'm supposed to be six feet under eight years ago.

They tell me it's an oxygen mask, but it's really just so i don't wake up in ravaging pain in the middle of the transfusion. You see, I hate the anesthesia-- I hate not knowing. I hate strangers prodding at my body, strangers who don't know what music I like (alternative, sometimes jazz, sometimes that mushy stuff)or if i prefer Coca Cola over Pepsi (coca-cola), maybe how many CDs I have hanging on my wall (7), or even the song I'm obsessing over right now (xtatic truth-- Crystal Fighters). I mean, someone who's about to see me half naked should atleast know my current musical selection, right?

So they tell me it's oxygen, and I always believe them because --truthfully, it's my own little fuck you! to my body for betraying me and putting me here in the first place. I'm going to make me feel fear because I'm already failing and this is my punishment to my self. Masochism? Only slightly. I'm cheating my self into a predesposed position of fear. I'm always cheating. It's only Oxygen, it'll calm your heart beat and you won't feel this helpless. I always believe them.

Another thing --I always fight right before going under, always try and beat the system. If my body can beat the system, it's bound to be strong enough to produce/save/protect it's own blood cells right? Today, my last thought is such: Am I not only cheating death, but cheating God Himself?

ThoughtDuJour

Theory:
a patient is told that something is wrong, and that that something has been wrong for months.

a patient can only be feel worse when they're told that they only have month to live since months ago they didn't treat what had been wrong for months.

a patient is told the news on a high chair, higher than every other sitting space, so that when they sit up right they sit tall.

a patient's seat is set higher than everything else-- to make the patient feel better than his circumstances.

a patient only feels marginally better.

Apocalypse

Reasons why if the apocalypse happened today, it wouldn't be that bad:

1. Ma and Pa have decided that my incompetence is partially my sisters fault, and so now she's harboring an equally as wonderful opinion of me as they have.
2. I wouldn't be aware that my best friend in the entire world lives across the country, how much we need each other right now or the fact that it costs $0.30 a minute for across Canada calling.
3. Nor would I be aware that my bf's ex still has the hotts for him -- and he's not willing to admit it, even as far as to "jokingly" flirt back.
   
4. People would refrain from writing embarrassing albeit funny secrets of mine on my forehead in sharpies while I'm sleeping, because there would be no more secrets. Or sharpies. (It's not washing off.)
5. I wouldn't have to clean my room or studying for chemistry.
   
6. This stupid pimple right between my eye brows would go away.
   

YouWin

I owe you nothing. And you are nothing to me. Thank you for curing me of my ridiculous obsession with love. -- Christian // Moulin Rouge

you win.
i'm yours.
yours to play,
yours to love,
yours to fuck,
i'm yours.
you win.

I Could See Your Lovely Smile

and it would last me years.




I. Feel. So. Damn. Good.

Music&LongBoarding

HappyMakingMoments

The Power of Books

Thought Du Jour

This is super long, but so worth it (:
love, -- M

http://www.pinetree.net/humor/thermodynamics.html

Diamonds Are Forever

I like to get kissed before I get f*cked.

In America, it's bling bling. But out here it's bling bang.

-- Danny Archer

Why Have Children?

Rant: I don't get the point of having children.

Scientifically people argue that it has everything to do with reproduction and keeping the human race populated. May I just call bullshit on that? Total and utter bullshit?

Autophobia - the fear of being unloved. It's a selfish way to ensure that you never feel unwanted. I mean, a baby can't NOT love it's mother, it's too young and stupid to make these kind of decisions.

It's narcissism at its best. Oh look, she has her eyes, she has his nose. Basically an excuse to marvel over how great your features look on another human.

Why would you trade posh restaurants and sanity for running noses and ruined dresses? expensive perfumes made into "potions"? I know I'm being materialistic, but maybe having kids is actually the extremist opposite of materialism, and that people just don't see that because they forget to use condoms too often.

People think fisting (supermanthathoe! - Soulja Boy) is supposedly vial and painful. Well yes, Something round as a fist is not supposed to go up that passage. But a baby? Are you kidding? I can't even imagine how terribly painful it would be to have my area down there stretched open and out pops a living breathing .. being. For lack of better words, I'll use Jacob Davenports: Imagine pushing a grapefruit through your anus. Imagine it taking ten hours. Imagine that after ten hours of trying to push a grapefruit through your anus and failing that doctors cut a big hole in your belly to remove the grapefruit. Don’t believe anyone who says that they forget all about it in a few months.

Yeah. Exactly.
No worries, I cringed too.

Not to mention the whole, bringing.another.soul.up.to.be.a.decent.human. having kids is deciding to be responsible for the life of another, very malleable, person.
Responsibilities include but are not limited to making sure they don't grow up to be:
-a violent nine year old pushing other kids off the seesaw,
-a drug abusing class skipping vandalizing teenager or
-a sex addicted money spending uncaring 20 something,
-an uneducated thirty year old crack whore
-a forty year old pedophile who hides behind his computer screen luring children with intentions to corrupt their innocence.

That's so much responsibility. The worst part is, parents are so gosh darn in love with their offspring that they couldn't exile the kid or send him or her to a psychopathic facility. And would probably end up letting that forty year old creeper live in their basement because it's "my little boy".

I don't like the idea of so much Autophobia, Narcissism, Physical Pain, and hardcore Responsibility to make sure one thing doesn't get killed (God Forbid) or turn into a total nutter.

If you applied all these to a partner, THE ENTIRE WORLD would say you're in an abusive relationship. But babies are different right? They're not aware that their inflicting this kind of control over one person.

... But we are on an unconscious level, completely and extensively aware of what poping a little one out of there will do to us physically emotionally and mentally.

Oh well, I guess the entire female population is at some degree masochistic. I know I'm still having kids, though I haven't a clue why.

Song of The Month

“Is there anything I can do for you dear? Is there anyone I can call?”
“No and thank you, please Madam. I ain’t lost, just wandering”

Home Town, by Adele

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sznOlKDHNRM

Ukulele Music

Stories about Gingers

you don't like playing games,
silly superficial games,
where you pretend to love,
and you pretend to care,
keep at it until she believes,
you don't like playing silly games,
But sometimes you can't help it.

you don't like pretending,
it's not fair to you,
it's not fair to her,
it's not fair to him.
but what he doesn't know,
won't hurt him right?

no, you're wrong, terribly wrong
yet you don't like it and and won't admit it.
fully aware that its eating you up,
from your conscious it spreads
down your throat like lemon juice
straight to your heart,
she trusts you but she doesn't know you,
not like you know your self,
and if you won't admit it,
no one will ever know.

Blood

Sometimes I wonder,
will God ever forgive us for what we've done to each other?
Then I look around and I realize...
God left this place a long time ago.

-- Danny Archer

ThoughtDuJour

wa ba ba loo ba wa bam boom
- The Count

Are you doing something dirty?
Are you doing something your parents don't know bout?
Are you breaking the law?
Are you breaking the rules?
Open your knees...
And feel the breeze.
Because Gavin's back to stay.
- Gavin

The Boat That Rocked
Pirate Radio

Happy Making Moments

To be is to do (Socrates),

to do is to be (Sartre),

do be do be do be (Sinatra)

ThoughtDuJour

-- we are tweedledee and tweedledumb
--- God gives life, but he never saves them.
----and when i'm feeling blue, i just breathe again.
-----no tears m'love, i'll see you in heaven soon enough.


------RIP Eathan

ThoughtDuJour

--But baby wait, "it's too late Dad, you made the choice
"Now go out there and show 'em that you love 'em more than us"--