(=

I Know

one day you won't be happy with me (We're both changing too much, too quickly)

And when that day comes I'll realize yet again:

memory will always be infinitely more lovely than reality.

ThoughtDuJour

I hate that you were my first love.

I. Am. Drained. Of. Energy.

EFF #1-- meeting his mom blew. She's fluent in Urdu, I'm fluent in English, and we both feel uncomfortable when speaking the respective other. She thinks I'm handicapped.

EFF #2-- He has a CRISE DE CONSCIENCE, freaks the hell out and breaks up with me. At least that's what it felt like. We were almost done, and he had to choose between right (God) and wrong (me). "What we're doing isn't right, it's against our religion, and we're living a lie."

I mean, in a battle between GOD and ME, GOD ALWAYS WINS.

There goes my fairytale.

EFF #3-- I wait all day for his decision, and knowing it's over and BAM; He changes his mind. He thinks if our intentions are good (which they were) and our feelings are strong (which they were) and a whole bunch of things (which they were) we can make it.

Any normal person would be happy, but

EFF #4-- I used to feel like we were stable and nothing could hurt us, but now every time we figh. t I'm going to think we're overThe same things dont make me smile like we used to, and I don't want to say I LOVE YOU TOO because what if he lied the first time around?

Letters

I found a letter a few hours ago.

"I miss you.

Please come save me.

I love you.

And I hope you still love me back."

It was for Ajaxx, when I was confined to my bedroom because of our relationship.

I never sent it.

Thank God, because

If I could go back and slap my self, I would.

Freakouttime

k, ready?

I'M MEETING HIS MOM!

I'M MEETING HIS MOM!

I'M MEETING HIS MOM!

I'M MEETING HIS MOM!

I'M MEETING HIS MOM!

I'M MEETING HIS MOM!

I'M MEETING HIS MOM!

I'M MEETING HIS MOM!

I'M MEETING HIS MOM!

I'M MEETING HIS MOM!

I'M MEETING HIS MOM!

I'm helping out with this Eid Bazaar thing where she's selling a bunch of the clothing she's brought from Pakistan. Even though she doesn't know of our best friend-ness, or the fact that we even know each other, the fact remains that

I'M MEETING HIS MOM!

I'M MEETING HIS MOM!

I'M MEETING HIS MOM!

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay (=

This is the first time in my entire life that I'm looking forward to meeting parents. I wasn't with anyone one elses parentals, but this one's different. It's just that he talks about her in the most wonderful way, it's actually the cutest thing. And I want to get to know her, because of the way he speaks about her. And you know what?

I'M MEETING HIS MOM!

I'M MEETING HIS MOM!

I'M MEETING HIS MOM!

I'M MEETING HIS MOM!

I'M SO EXCITED BECAUSE I'M MEETING HIS MOM!

Update

I wanted to freak out over something else, but I realized no one would understand. So..

Update:

I went to a Khutbah (religious sermon). It scared the crap out of me.

So basically, every sin you commit puts a little, miniscule black spot on your heart. But the more you commit the same sins, the bigger the original spots become. Say you've told a lie in your life, BAM. Spot. Say you've lied again, it just keeps growing. But then if you've hurt another person, BAM, spot. And if you hurt again, it just keeps growing. The part that scares me is that the spots over lap. The blackness keeps growing over your heart, and you develope layers.

It gets worse. When your entire heart turns black, you start thinking the sins aren't "that bad". As in, yeah, my religious book says it's totally against every rule, but...it's not "that bad".

When your entire body has turned black from the inside, you start thinking it's absolutely fine. No problem. A-OK.

Now i know this is supposed to be metaphorical. But effff, it scared me. It scared me so so so badly. I started freaking out. I got home and broke it off with Colgate.

...But we're still best friends. Who hug and say "I love you" -- But that's it. Nothing more. What so ever. BLUHHGG.

No more badass me.

Just me...and my boy best friend. Colgate and I are decidedly best friends. Nothing else. Yeah.

~~~

My sister's leaving in less than two weeks. I've resorted in spending all my time with her as possible. I wish I could follow her around the city, but that'd just be creepy. And I have to seem like it's no bid deal, because the truth is -It's the biggest deal ever. But being emotional and sappy about it isn't going ot change the fact that she's going to Law school.

YAAAY, SHE'S SUCCESSFUL. AND HAPPY. AND FREE.

Way to be, sister. I will miss you like a mofo, but way to be-awesome. I love you. x a million.

~~~

I'm kinda sorta obsessed with Dexter, this tv show.

Basically this guy was found at a crime scene at age three, and was addopted by the police officer who found him. He grows up wanting to kill people. Like, legit, wanting to murder them. But the police officer notices these tendencies, and teaches him "The Code Of Harry" (Harry = popo). Now dexter, all grown up, is a serial killer. Cept he only kills the bad guys, the guys who deserve it.

It's super witty, and really compelling. I may make it sound screwed up - because it is - but it's actually super brilliant. check it out, I JUST finished the season 1 final and my mind was BLOWN.

WinnieThePooh

ThoughtDuJour

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apodyopsis

The act of mentally undressing someone

Oh how I am familiar with this....

HA!

just kidding. (but not really. He's quite the eye candy)

Cheers

Cheers to tingling mists and a cooling breeze.

To sand between your toes and salty hair.

To laying in hammocks and hearing the birds sing.

To finding happiness in simple pleasures.

To putting a smile on your face, and mine.

cheers, to love,

cheers, my love.

SoBasically...

I feel

disgusting

because

of you

The thing is, I hate missing people.

And it seems that, I miss you every single night.

Now that might seem perfectly normal, but two nights ago I started crying because of it. Not normal in the least.

and then I stopped, because I felt desperate and weak and not ...me.

That's bad, because that makes me want to distance my self from you, even tho I miss you. Ironic, isn't it?

I'm a mess. This is not becoming. Please come give me a hug.

1000Moments

how lucky am I?

ajf;lasjfla;jf I LOVE THIS WONDERFUL PERSON!

Moment #3: FB Inbox Convos

---- 28 June at 4:48

Dear Chashmish,
I just prayed a little while ago and now I can't fall asleep cuz I can't stop thinking bout you. I can't stop thinking bout your love for me, your care, your ability to make me smile with a single hi. You're the best thing to have ever happened to me cuz not only are you the most caring and loving girlfriend, you are also an amazing friend and I don't know wat I'd do without you. Honestly I'm so so so lucky to even have you in my life cuz you just somehow seem to make everything so much better by just being a part of it. I don't think you can ever imagine exactly how much I love you so I guess I'll just have to show you in the time to come. You make me so happy that sometimes I actually wanna go out and tell the world look that's my girl right there, ya be jealous :P. But obviously I can't right now so I'm just gonna wait till people can accept us :). Tbh I actually feel like shit sometimes cuz I can't take you out and show my love and you have no idea how much it means to me that you're so understanding bout that. So I promise you, once we're able, I'll take you out on the nicest dates and we'll have soo much fun!! For now just trust me when I say I love you with all my heart :) ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Sent via Facebook Mobile

if thw

ThoughtDuJour

I act like I hate your friends, but it's cause i'm jealous. I get to see you breifly in the mornings when I try to sneak into your room with out waking you (and usually failing) to borrow shoes, and when you sneak into my room with out waking me (and usually failing) to return something you borrowed.

you're such a ghost, and I resent that you spend so much time out side while I sit listening for the door to see if maybe you've come home early. I miss you a alot, and I don't deal well with that; so I end up hating you.

If asked how to sum you up, i wouldn't know how.

you smell like japanese cherry blossom?

you are idiotically generous?

you have the most amazing sense of style?

you give really horrid hugs?

you play kickass uno games?

you have a mesmerizing singsong voice?

you give good advice?

you have an annoying sense of right and wrong?

you can be incredibly self rightious?

you have uncontrolable emotions?

you take responsibility to a whole new level?

you can be an incredible support/deterent?

you are my sister.

and I will miss you far too much when you leave.

I'm not going to tell you, because you'll feel guilty and inclined to stay; you'll say its to protect me from them until I, too, can move out.

But I wont say a thing, because youd deserve to live your life for you, you deserve to be happy, and you deserve to have freedom after living here with us so long.

While you're out making wedding plans, romancing with him, going to university and discovering what you want, i'll be at home, wishing i could play another game of uno and let you win, for once.

I just really hope that you visit often enough that I wont resent you for leaving.

ThoughtDuJour

I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...

- Texts From Last Night

1000Moments

Select: All, Read, None

Show:AllUnread

Moment #2: FB Inbox Convos

between ------ and You
31:May at 22:00

how was yer sleep
-------31 May at 22:07
This might be totally random but you make me unbelievably happy <33333

your random compliments are often and confusing. and it's the most pleasantly surprising part of "us".

[I ----ed out the names]

:::(iamnot):::
Complete

- Edward Scissorhands

Sage

He builds and reshapes every emotion into anger and it crashes into hers until both of them are shaking in hate-joy. It's more beautiful than hope.

1000Moments

Moment #1) ferrero rocher
when you gave me my favorite chocolates as a present for getting my braces off.

you are so thoughtful. It continuously amazes me.

5/25/'10

Islands::TheXX

this is how spectacular music videos are done.
Old song, new visual.